


05. strength

by hedonists



Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Drinking, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, One Night Stands, One Shot, Porn with Feelings, Smut, sex to cope, this one is much heavier with the porn, well not really but it can be read stand alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:08:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24343273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedonists/pseuds/hedonists
Summary: I hope one daysomebody loves youso muchthat they see violetsin the bags under your eyes,sunsets in the downward archof your lipsthat they recognize youas something green,something fresh and still growingeven if sometimesyou are growing sidewaysthat they do not waste their timetrying to fix you.cr.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 8
Kudos: 62





	05. strength

**Author's Note:**

> okay i hadn't planned on doing this but i randomly decided. the unintended 2nd part to 05. weakness, which is from doyoung's pov, strength is from baekhyun's mostly. it's also more porn-heavy.
> 
> [05\. weakness](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24239170)

_ ❝this is not a love story, but love is in it" _

baekhyun learned a long time ago not to attempt to manage the lives and feelings of those around him.

so the first time that taeyong has had just a little bit too much to drink after a dinner out, and is being just a little bit more handsy than he normally is, baekhyun doesn't consider it his concern - the implications, that is. taeyong is an adult. he can make his own decisions...and equally manage the consequences of them as well.

and well, if he can't then that's not any concern of baekhyun's.

he watches taeyong stumble into his apartment - making an odd and barely coherent comment about how  _ expensive  _ it looks which ironically makes baekhyun feel utterly  _ cheap.  _ it's a bad idea and he knows it. maybe he should just be the adult. adulting the adults. baekhyun rolls his eyes just at the thought. how absolutely  _ insufferable. _

but taeyong is extremely sexy, and extremely in his apartment.

unfortunately, taeyong is also extremely drunk - much more so than baekhyun had originally suspected now that they've managed to make back to his home. it's...not sexy, and for a moment baekhyun really wonders how people can find it as such. sure, he doesn't drink...but this is a  _ lot. _

baekhyun watches taeyong make eye contact with him and then bite the bottom corner of his lip - slink his fingers up to the buttons on his own shirt and proceed to sloppily attempt to unfasten them. and he watches. he absolutely does watch. taeyong walks himself backwards towards baekhyun's room and the look in his eyes says everything that needs to be said before he disappears into the darkness of the blackened bedroom. 

baekhyun sighs, but he  _ does  _ follow him after all.

  
  


when the morning breaks through the cracks in the blinds, it's about 7am - baekhyun knows this, it's nothing new to him. the bright rays slink in and across taeyong's makeup smeared face - finally urging him to awaken and face his decisions. baekhyun is already up, dressed, ready for the day and he ponders over how juvenile the whole scenario really feels. bringing home the drunk, younger boy who wakes up in a messy daze long after the older man has risen to start his day. it's really just so... _ yuck _ . he watches taeyong roll over, facing towards where baekhyun stands across the room with a mug of coffee in his hands - hair wet and slicked back from the shower that he apparently already took.

"h-hey…" taeyong stutters, shyly. baekhyun almost considers it to be a good sign that he seems embarrassed by the whole thing.

"good morning," baekhyun starts, averting eye contact and starting to walk back into the main living area of his apartment, "there's more coffee if that's your thing, i've got to get going for work...oh and by the way, your phone...you have a lot of notifications."

taeyong hesitates before replying, trying to assign levels of importance to each topic and realizing that with the haste baekhyun is attempting to leave the situation, he probably only has time to get answers to one. "did we...last night…?"

"no," baekhyun answers immediately, not an ounce of hesitation, "your phone is on the charger in the kitchen, you should really call him back."

he doesn't really want to talk about it, because it's not really a scenario he sees himself getting wrapped up in.

but suppose no one ever really does.

  
  


❝y _ ou have to look closely to see its loveliness" _

  
  
  


below freezing and high humidity in the air when they all go for dinner. baekhyun peels off his brown winter coat and hangs it by the front door before making his way past all of the public tables and into the back of the restaurant where everyone else awaits. eye contact with taeyong is the first thing awaiting him on the other side of the private doors. 

"ah, you've finally made it," taeyong says. he's trying to temper his cheerfulness but it's clear. baekhyun can't tell if he likes it or not. truth be told, he can't tell if he likes taeyong or not.

"i'm not late," he awkwardly replies, bowing and greeting the rest of the diners and nearly ignoring taeyong's glee. "i got here when i could."

"i know, i was just waiting," taeyong answers back, just as happily.

baekhyun doesn't  _ want  _ to be an asshole, he knows taeyong is a good guy. good enough guy. it's just not a situation he thinks he really wants to involve himself in, that's all. he's heard the rumors, the rumblings, the  _ whispers  _ about taeyong and his boyfriend - not boyfriend - kind of boyfriend - friend with benefits - bandmate - whatever. baekhyun doesn't know doyoung, but he thinks such a scenario isn't really where he needs to insert himself.

but taeyong isn't really taking the hint.

and he drinks less tonight, baekhyun does note. much less. slightly flushed and only a tad bit more talkative than normal - hey, maybe it's progress. maybe that other night was just a one-off, everyone has bad nights. baekhyun finds himself focusing more on the intricacies...the details, of one lee taeyong. from the side - his jawline, cute nose, pretty eyelashes. when taeyong does turn to face him - smiling with his perfect smile - well, he figures that's the whole thought then, isn't it? perfect teeth, perfect smile, perfect face. he thinks about how taeyong's laugh is almost ugly, and how charming that is in juxtaposition to how visually striking he is. 

baekhyun watches taeyong tell a story about one time they were doing dance practice for jopping, and how baekhyun would just stand in the side of the room like "a weirdo" - as taeyong put it - and watch them...that this is how baekhyun learned choreography. the story is true, but the way taeyong told it certainly didn't paint baekhyun in a way that he wanted to be painted! it's all jokes, however, and he knows this. reaching over and wrapping an arm around taeyong's shoulders to playfully rough him up a bit for telling such a story at the dinner table in front of so many of their colleagues.

he catches the scent of taeyong's shampoo due to proximity and it's oddly alluring to him, given how off of the guy he had just been not too long ago. taeyong laughs at him in a simultaneous effort to get out of baekhyun's grasp, and baekhyun finds himself once again thinking about that damn  _ smile _ .

although it certainly does make sense, when doyoung walks in just at that moment to join them for dinner. baekhyun had never paid much attention to the man before (and isn't quite sure why he feels the need to now) but he's certainly not bad looking himself. doyoung's first order of business is, of course, greeting baekhyun and the others at the table before making room to seat himself on the other side of taeyong. his... _ boyfriend?  _ baekhyun isn't sure, he's also definitely not going to ask.

watching taeyong leave with doyoung - it's like a bucket of ice cold water, and he thinks that just this once, it's probably for the best.

  
  


the first night that baekhyun kisses taeyong it's like a whirlwind, and for days after the fact, he can barely even recall the circumstances. staring out of the window of his apartment, he recalls the way taeyong's bottom lip felt plush against his thumb, and how his chin fit perfectly against his index finger. the way his eyes sparkles expectantly, like he had been waiting an eternity for that very moment, and how baekhyun was too weak a man to turn him away. baekhyun thinks that this is taeyong's super power, an absolutely existential, gravitational pull, and that if you dare get close enough, you may never find your way back out - because he has had yet to think another thought since that night. 

the way taeyong's fingers gripped into the sides of baekhyun's coat, and how his teeth brushed against his bottom lip when he pulled away - and most unforgettable, the light buzzing of a phone left permanently on silent in his presence. 

over the next few weeks, baekhyun notices the way doyoung shows up more and more, during times and situations where he hadn't before, and he watches taeyong carry on like nothing ever happened - which he figures is fine - as nothing had, depending on who you ask, but he thinks that if you ask doyoung then it wouldn't be nothing. 

he also figures no one  _ has _ asked him, though. 

and these are precisely the types of situations that baekhyun didn't want to get himself involved in. yes, taeyong is beautiful, but the idol industry is a land full of beautiful, available men that don't necessarily come with whatever... _ this _ is.

baekhyun looks up from his phone for a moment, making eye contact with doyoung - and it's short, but it says everything that needs to be said. some times a simple look says more than the words could ever allow to leave the lips.

_ "i love him, don't take him away from me." _

  
  


baekhyun remembers this, albeit briefly, the second time taeyong comes over to his place. after a glass of wine or so and halfway through a movie - it's all it takes before taeyong's hand is down the front of baekhyun's pants and mouth on his clavicle. taeyong rubs his thumb up and around the head of baekhyun's cock, spreading the precum loosely and baekhyun's breath hitches in his throat. he feels taeyong's teeth on his skin from the accomplished smile.

taeyong's phone vibrates on the coffee table in front of them, screen turned face down. it's metaphorical, baekhyun thinks. 

some things simply can't be ignored. doyoung is one of them. he figures neither taeyong nor doyoung would be happy to know that it's him who is on baekhyun's mind as taeyong strokes his cock - but baekhyun only allows himself so much suspension from reality...and coming into taeyong's hand despite knowing all of the ways in which it's wrong is enough for one night.

  
  
  


admittedly, baekhyun is guilty about the fact that it's still a few weeks after the fact before he brings it up to taeyong. the fact that they had never - not once - talked about doyoung before this moment caused baekhyun to do a bit more introspection than he was happy to do on the whole situation. he knew. he's known. and turned a blind eye all the same. 

"so, what are you?" he finally says. he watches taeyong look up from his phone - across the table, and taeyong looks almost  _ surprised  _ at the question - as if it were completely asinine that baekhyun would even be asking.

maybe it was.

"what do you mean?" he asks, and he looks genuinely dumbfounded. baekhyun thinks about taking the question back and pretending he never said anything, but the voice in the back of his head - suppose they call that one the conscience - urges him to carry on with it.

"i mean like...are you two... _ together?"  _

the two men simply stare at each other for what feels like years, if baekhyun had to guess. taeyong finally breaks eye contact and looks down at the drink he has in front of him, running circles with his finger in the condensation on the outside of the plastic cup. he smirks with one corner of his mouth, and does almost a half sigh, half chuckle sort of exasperation.

"um," taeyong starts, very slowly. and baekhyun is watching him and hanging on the edge of every syllable. he's waiting to hear that no, they're not, and there's a perfectly good and normal explanation for it seeming like they are, and that that handjob a while back is totally not something he has to feel any sort of guilty about. 

"it's complicated."

_ not  _ the explanation he was waiting for.

baekhyun shuffles in his seat, sits with his back flat against the chair behind him and crosses his arms. looking out the window for a moment in hopes that taeyong's not finished, but upon realizing he is, turns his gaze back towards him. "look, i'm not trying to be a pain in the ass, or nosy, or anything but-"

"then don't." taeyong cuts him off. they sit in silence. baekhyun goes back to looking out of the window next to their table. 

  
  
  


it's not for another few weeks that taeyong finally opens up - even just a little bit - about the other man in their lives. baekhyun traces shapes into taeyong's forehead while he lies in his lap. baekhyun watches the way taeyong's eyes light up when he talks about the things he loves: his family, his dog, art, dancing...and the way the light subsequently dims upon accidentally mentioning doyoung - as if it were the death of a loved one that no one had quite recovered from yet, taeyong closed his eyes and just breathed quietly under baekhyun's gaze.

"he's not a bad guy," taeyong finally whispers, eyes still closed. baekhyun doesn't respond. he couldn't possibly know what to say. "it's not his fault, really."

baekhyun doesn't know what  _ isn't  _ doyoung's fault, but if he could haphazard a guess, he'd assume it were  _ this.  _

taeyong is absolutely mesmerizing in everything he does, much to baekhyun's dismay. the timeline is fuzzy to him as if every moment around taeyong is intoxicating. he remembers the first time taeyong came over, drunk and embarrassing and how baekhyun could barely even see him as more than just a kid. now, baekhyun watches the way taeyong disrobes in front of him, pulling him to the bedroom - unbuttoning and pushing away the loosely fitted shirt baekhyun had just been wearing. unsure would have been an understatement but taeyong is completely captivating in everything and baekhyun is coming to terms with the fact that he's simply powerless. baekhyun allows himself to be pushed onto his own bed, and straddled thereafter. taeyong's mouth on his is warm and needy and completely messy. baekhyun attempts to keep up but it's hard to match taeyong's effort - and baekhyun realizes that that's because it's coming from the wrong place. it's coming from a place that baekhyun can't reach, can't comprehend. taeyong drags his mouth down baekhyun's, to his neck, to his chest. thin fingers fumble with the buckle of baekhyun's jeans because taeyong is scrambling to unfasten them like they're kids in the high school bathroom who have to hurry up before they get caught - so baekhyun helps him.

he also hears the sound of taeyong's phone vibrating on the nightstand. or maybe he doesn't. maybe it's his guilt manifesting. 

"we don't have to do this," he finally says, just throwing the idea out there. maybe taeyong doesn't know that it doesn't  _ have  _ to be like this. he doesn't reply, but he  _ does  _ finally get the button and zipper of baekhyun's jeans undone, gripping fingers into the sides of them to pull them down.

baekhyun somewhat reluctantly raises himself off the mattress to aide in the removal. reluctance is the soundtrack to their affair. 

taeyong slides his mouth down baekhyun's length like he's been waiting to do so for years, and baekhyun wishes he were a stronger man that could hold back the hiss better, especially given the circumstances. 

" _ god,  _ tae-" baekhyun begins, but taeyong brings a hand up to stroke his shaft along with the work done with his mouth and baekhyun has no choice but to swallow his words.

baekhyun hears the vibration of taeyong's phone again and it almost takes him out. he lets him stroke a few more times before sitting up and pulling taeyong's mouth off of him, pulling him up to his own mouth. baekhyun wraps his fingers around taeyong's head and into his hair, pressing his tongue into his mouth and taeyong groans into it, hand still grasping at baekhyun's length, but baekhyun pulls him over, flips him onto his back, and presses his body into taeyong's, hard. taeyong sinks into the plush mattress, gasping at air in between open mouth kisses and baekhyun brings his hand up again to taeyong's face - around his chin, finger tracing his jawline before wrapping long fingers around taeyong's pretty silver hair. presses his mouth against the corner of taeyong's, before trailing away and down his neck to the hem of his t-shirt. taeyong shuffles beneath him, clearly irritated at the fact that baekhyun isn't granted more access to his body and whimpers, voice breaking, "take it off."

but baekhyun tells him no.

despite having a hand tucked into taeyong's hair, and lips planted onto his hot skin, baekhyun has long since tucked himself back into his pants in an effort to disengage. and it's  _ hard _ , because baekhyun would be lying if he said he didn't want to fuck taeyong into the mattress. his pelvis still between taeyong's legs, hard up against taeyong's and they can both feel each others erections through their pants but baekhyun has to be the better person. taeyong whimpers again in an attempt to get what he wants and the only thing baekhyun can do in response is push his now clothed cock up against taeyong's, grip taeyong's hair just that much tighter, and swallow each others groans. baekhyun knows that soon taeyong will resort to begging, and despite already choosing the high road, he knows there are always many detours on the way - a flushed, hard, whimpering, taeyong beneath him, just  _ begging  _ for his cock - baekhyun would like to see even the strongest of men say no. 

" _ baekhyun _ -" 

it's breathy and broken and baekhyun feels his cock twitch in response to it, he doesn't even look taeyong in the eye in response. he knows he needs to come - and fast - or else he's going to make extremely poor choices. so, he makes an emergency decision, and not one he's particularly proud of, but he knows he has to do  _ something  _ to remedy the situation because it gets any more out of control. baekhyun presses himself into taeyong -  _ hard  _ \- and grinds against him. fastens his grip into taeyong's hair and pushes his face into the crook of taeyong's neck and finds a pace that works for him. the positives, are that he knows it won't take long given the stimulation. such a thing might not always work, but dire scenarios call for emergency measures. he hears taeyong right next to his ear, groaning and breaths heavy - it's probably working for him as well but baekhyun can't be concerned about that. suppose in an ideal situation they both come, but baekhyun has to be uncharacteristically selfish before he blows up his send of morality - and who knows what else along with it. 

" _ baekhyun, wait-"  _ he hears taeyong whisper next to his ear but he ignores it, still pushing into taeyong's clothed pelvis. baekhyun reaches the point where he knows he's close, finally, he lets his breathing become noticeably labored next to taeyong's ear, lightly moans as his orgasm rolls closer and his hips fall more and more erratically - he figures the auditory help might do taeyong the favor - it's the best he can do given the circumstances. 

and it does. taeyong arches up into baekhyun's weight on his chest as much as he can, " _ ah, fuck, i'm-"  _ are the only words he's manages to get out as his orgasm wracks his body, and baekhyun was close already but watching taeyong come certainly finishes the job as he finally pulls his weight off of the man beneath him, arms propping him up as he rolls his hips through his orgasm - head dropped and eyes clenched so hard that he sees stars when he finally does reopen them. baekhyun's arms wobble and he drops to his elbows before rolling off of taeyong and to the side, onto his back so the mattress can soak the sweat. they both heave - attempting to catch any breaths but the air in the room is hot and heavy and feels suffocating. stifling. taeyong goes to speak but coughs instead - throat dry. "what was  _ that? _ "

baekhyun takes in a few more breaths before attempting to answer. he honestly finds it sort of irritating that taeyong even wants to discuss it so soon after the fact, but he'll do him another favor.

"i can't do it," he says, pausing speaking to take more heavy breaths. "i'm sorry, i can't do it."

"do what? fuck me?"

baekhyun turns his head to look at taeyong with an almost disgusted look, "you know it's more than that"

"is this about  _ him? _ " taeyong chuckles, his breath finally normalizing and beginning to sit up, "you don't even know  _ him _ "

he stands up to grab his things before turning to baekhyun again, "in fact, you don't know anything about us, why are you assuming you do?"

"i've seen the way he looks at you, taeyong," baekhyun says, remorse in his voice, "you can't see it, and i genuinely hope that one day you can"

"oh go to hell," taeyong laughs, rolling his eyes and grabbing his things off of the nightstand, "don't condescend me like i'm a child"

"i'm not trying to do that."

but baekhyun can only watch as taeyong storms out from his apartment. he closes his eyes slowly and lets the still air inside of his bedroom wash over him. the peace of the silence. for being a man that is generally confident in his decisions, he's unsure about this one. not the not-fucking part, he knows that that's the right call, but allowing taeyong to storm out. he wonders whose arms taeyong will find consolation in tonight. 

but in a way, he hopes it's doyoung. 


End file.
